I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
