The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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