I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
