how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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