I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
