I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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