so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
