Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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