Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
