i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
