Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
