His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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