I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
