Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
