I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
