I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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