I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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