I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
