in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I believe in your delicious
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
