If that was your dad, he is hot
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
