So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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