make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
