laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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