So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
