dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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