I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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