If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
