we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My vagina just clenched in fear
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
