the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
