I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
