Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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