if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
