If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
