She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
