So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
