I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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