my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
