I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
