I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
