I wish life had little blips of pornography
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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