Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
