I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
