You made me cry and you don't even care
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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