Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
