what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
