literally had 100 drinks last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
