Michael Bay diarrhea
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
