He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
