So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
