Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
People in love make me want to vomit
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
