i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
