How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
